Ex-Factor:it's on me

Maturity is not a bad thing. But it hurts sometimes...most of the time, really.
I'm an intimate type. From the smell of her hair to the feel of her
skin, to the lines on her lips... I remember these things. But I
cannot keep these things. It makes me the picture of pathetic.
Maturity would have saved me face on so many cases. Being raised as a
man who has well defined principles was a blessing as plain as noon on
any good day.
Today, immaturity tastes different. Certainly not better. When I'm
double-minded on issues, it costs me. To sit back into what I truly am
stands against everything they preach in the movies about determining
your own path. It all seems like a lie this evening. Right now, I am
curious about things that break me. It think the thing that breaks me
the most right now is my challenge to be more than what I was
pre-programmed to be. I don't know what that is. Why? I think I'm
missing my path. I don't think it is for a man to invent a new path,
but to find your personal trail in the path put before you.
I accept this because even pioneers can't build from what is not
there. I am a pioneer by nature, by design, by culture and nothing
else about me is true. But I am a coward as judged by my actions &
inactions in the face of challenges. I try another man's way instead
of keeping to my own.
So now I will redefine my path. I will not shy from it. I think most
likely, I will do what is best in this situation.
That is to wait on God. I'm not a perfect man, but there is a
definition of a saint that I like alot. It means no matter how many
times he falls down, he is still intent on getting off his arse so he
can keep on going.
I'm getting up. Not sure how much longer I will be upright, but I am
certain that I will get up when I fall, no matter when that will be.

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