Today, I Practise Adulthood

I've a daughter. She was born 8 days ago. She has an old woman's face. My grandmother's face to be specific. And it seems that everyone else but me has a say in what her first years are to be.

I guess they're making up for not having a wedding (more on that later...not a promise, just a reminder-to-self)...'they' are both representatives of my family and her family. I guess things are not the way they want them to be and the world is determined to make father and child suffer for this 'slight'.

If you could see my face right now, you would know that I'm not joking...but you can't, so I guess you'll have to take my word for it. So I'm starting to learn the challenges of being an adult parent.

I wasn't raised to be 'spoken at'...perhaps that's why I'm so rebellious towards 'established authority' (essentially, until they prove that they are authorities...except for armed folks...their guns make a very convincing argument). To be spoken at feels like a thinly veiled insult to my up-bringing. I don't take that lightly.

So today, I've been praying for wisdom, courage, strength, and the right words...so I can express myself without rancor, anger, or unnecessary insults being stirred up by both sides.

Is it possible? I have not a doubt in my heart that it is.

Am I willing to go through with it? Yes. But not for the sake of self-expression, but for the sake of that person who only eats, shits, pisses, cries, and sleeps at the moment.

She's my daughter. She's a continuation of life, not an extension of mine. She's a completely different person from me. She has me humbled when I see her...and it is with this knowledge and awareness of her that I will give her her first dose of strength.

The strength that comes from knowing you are loved...not just fondly thought of.

Her name is Yemeewaolu. It means the beauty from God.

I said she had an old woman's face, I didn't say the old woman was ugly.

;)
Remi Olutimayin
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