Does Lagos really win when she breaks people?

There are few things sadder than the forced appearance of success. The
fact of glory without power, power without glory, success without
substance, substance without success...my parents never did prepare me
for this. It is a thing I'm to prepare for by my own self. I think
about these things because I can't help it. I wonder what things await
the next corner & I'm fast losing my patience in the promises that
seem to slack in coming to pass. I'll share this story with you.
I ran into a few friends that reminded me of when we were still kids
burning with visions of 'Being Big'. When you're on the cutting edge,
your talent providing for you, your personality speaking for
you...looking at them, I can't help but remember the words of a
William Butler Yates poem 'A king wastes his blood being the dream of
other men.' I may have misquoted it, but the essence is intact. We are
kings without kingdoms, our subjects have nothing to offer us, but our
life's blood is spilt on the altar of their fantasies. Why? It is our
duty. We could slack & duck behind office jobs, but we would blend in
like dolphins with sharks.
The corporate world called me again. Perhaps they've always been
calling, but I was deafened by my desire to be an accomplished artist.
This desire has taken so many hits, that when I think about it, I have
to wonder aloud if it isn't singing a sad intro to suicide.
Lagos is the gathering point of talent in Nigeria, the door to the
outside world, the home of the annual Black Heritage festival...& yet
she breaks us who are dedicating our lives to our art. Daily.
Perhaps I'm a poor student of the hustle, perhaps I'm a depressing
example of those who believed in the dream too quickly to count the
costs accurately...who knows? Who cares? I'm here. Where am I going
from here? I do not know. So what do I know?
Lagos doesn't win when she breaks her own. I'm not a Lagosian, but I'm
of Lagos. I've seen 4 coups, 1 was unsuccessful, 2 interim
governments, a shaky beginning to democracy...compared to any european
my age outside, I'm older. Not twice as old, but close enough.
I think Lagos breaks us so we won't forget God who provides, protects,
blesses, guides & shows favor. But Lagos still doesn't win. How many
of her own has God saved & still wanted to pay Lagos good for evil?
How many? From poverty association with the police, to random violence
with the army, to insensitivity with the government workers...to say I
know where we're going is a lie. It is sad when parents teach their
kids to eat the flesh of their contemporaries. I've seen them. It
breaks my heart. Twice an acquaintance has tried to hustle me via the
promise of oil transactions. The only people gaining are the telecomms
companies. It seems his inspiriation comes from another person who hit
it big...but seems unready to share how he did it.
I've not finished. I've walked alongside people who mistake patient &
quiet people for fools. It doesn't really matter the industry or
company. I've even caught myself doing that. But I remember a
saying,'beware the anger of a patient man.' I think that is how it is
going to play out. Success is the best revenge, I believe that with
all my remaining heart. But I also believe that success & revenge lie
in the hands of God. You can't seize either of them. You can join
groups, cults, but it is only with God that good things come without
sorrow. Recently a large global cult has been suffering huge
membership turnover. Why? The sorrow outweighs the success offered. I
think what's even sadder is that it took this long for the realisation
to sink in. Hey, everyone to his/her own, right? So long as you don't
mess with me & my own. I had to share this because even though I slept
last night, I didn't rest. I need more than a miracle right now. I'm
fit to make war, even though I'm more of a brawler than a martial
artist. But I don't want to. I can't afford to. No one to tend to my
grave.
I haven't lost faith, only I've woken up to the fact that my eyes were
still half-open after my personal revelation.
I'll give back to Lagos. I've no choice in the matter. My only other
option is to make the world worse for my children. It gets me
wondering if my parents' generation didn't make the same observations,
but what we have now is based on the options taken by the majority. I
don't think the picked the first option. I think that's where they
failed. I think that's why Lagos still breaks people. I think.