An elegant ugliness

I think, therefore I am- Rene Descarte.
The appreciation of life will always be an understatement until you
die. This my submission on the brief actualities that we living
creatures must wait on. These things will not happen according to our
will. I get the sense of the revelation of God in certain pockets of
our lives, certain Points of No Return.
Like your first orgasm. The memory of it gets fuzzy after you've
abused your body in search of a faithful repeat (you know what I
mean...) but it is such a near religious experience, that I'm often
tempted to believe it to be a desperate search for what we don't
understand that is so much more than le petit mort. It was used in
pagan rites...well, it is used in pagan ceremonies to flavor the
disappointment of falling short of what we seek.
I digress (again, I'm sorry).
I think I'm more curious about the paths of death than the actuality
of it. Death not in physical terms, but in other terms. I think the
most general analogy I can give is the necessary death of a seed to
become a shoot. What applications does this have for us? To die to our
proclivities, our selfishness, our points of stupidity, our bad
habits, our favorite lies, our crutches, our addictions...many things
to die to. Thankfully, it is a popular hope that we will outlive these
necessary deaths.
These necessary deaths are an Elegant Ugliness to me. Death is ugly,
messy, unpleasant, & completely terrible to consider. However it is
the results of these deaths that makes up for this. The results are so
often elegant. I know. I've seen it & I've never being blown away
quite like when I see them.
Like when I learned that I had to be more grounded. I'm a nomad by
nature. I'm not a corporate creature. Never been. Tried it a few
times. I just like things to function to the point of valid results.
Due process is welcome, except when it takes too much independent
thought from the individual, stemming initiative, encouraging
dependency & ass-kissing. I hate it when it gets too much. But I'm
working towards being more grounded. The results promise to be so very
beautiful so far. I'm not quitting just yet. Even though things aren't
fully defined yet, I take it like a farmer who has to have faith that
his seeds are germinating. Yeah. That's it.