Depression: a few words.

There are few things in this life that are as important as your state
of mind, state of heart. They directly affect your quality of life. I
scrape by with a smile on my face & envy begging for a place in my
life. Sometimes it comes in the form of depression.
If I envy anyone at all, it would be who I could have been (warning:
this does have a few similarities to a suicide note...but I'm
Nigerian. Suicide isn't sexy, so it isn't 'in').
I spent the wee hours of this morning with my brother at his place,
talking about stuff. Usually he makes sense, I just make
profound...somethings(I do have a reasonable command of english,
however somethings humble the language by demanding for a new use of a
word, or for a new word entirely).
He shared with me a need to write down a personal charter of his world
view. I remembered when I had the same thing fixed in my head.
Unfortunately my world view was warped by the cruelties of faithless
hearts. The scars ran deeper than my head & heart could handle, so I
chose to live a shallow life. Where I once saw things in clear,
distinct details, I only see shadows now. It's my fault & it's an
added weight to my cross. It has led to self-destructive habits,
counter-productive behaviour, & a faithless life. I just saw my life
in shadows, & not in it's true, ugly colours.
You have to be conceited to feel depressed. You have to be selfish to
feel depressed. You have to be awake & aware to fight it. And you
cannot fight it alone. Like vultures, it attacks you when you're weak.
Well... I'm still here, but I'm working my mind & heart to see myself
for what I truly am.
I'm more than the sum of my gifts & abilities. I'm a consideration in
the mind of God. That should be enough for now. And as for later? One
day at a time. Right?

--
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