that are too funny to believe. My mother & father fumed at each other
when they returned from an emergency family meeting. Divided opinions
precede gossip. They were my parents & that meant I was in the middle
of it.
"I agree his approach was wrong. But not his reasons." my dad started.
"That poor girl saw what I saw at your hands."
"Are you saying you hated it?"
"YES! Emphatically so. Nonsense! You'd think it was hell if it was you!"
I needed clarity on the subject.
"Sorry, but what are we talking about?"
My dad cocked his eyebrow at me as if to warn me from fueling a fire I
wouldn't be able to quench. Sadly, it was a warning too late. My
mother picked up the excuse.
"You want to know? You will know! You are old enough to know! Prevent
abuse in your life."
Now I was curious. My dad sat down on his chair & exhaled heavily.
"Your cousin, Dele, has a problem with his wife." he started with a calm voice.
My mom gave him no room to manuver.
"Dele has the problem! His bride does not. I will tell the story properly."
She sat down heavily next to my dad. I've never really understood how
she could make him suddenly feel so small.
"He got married to a wonderful girl. She's lovely, obedient, a banker
& a willing home maker. I know he is a good boy, but he became an
inconsiderate beast. Marriage does that to men."
"Are you going to tell the story or force your opinion on our child?"
She turned to him with eyes like fire & he looked straight at me.
"She gave herself to him during the honeymoon. He enjoyed himself. But
he didn't understand that discipline is involved. It's a good point to
him that he was a virgin."
I didn't like where this was going. At all.
"So he went for another woman?", I offered so we could spare my dad's
peace of mind & my imagination of my mother's humanising sex.
"From what he did, he should have."
Now I was very curious. My intuition failed me.
"She wakes up at 4 am, gets home at 8 pm, cooks dinner, & goes to bed at 11 pm.
"Then that stupid boy will f... I mean he will have intercourse with her."
Now I had to take my father's side. Most married couples do that to
cement their relationship.
"Come on, mommy! Surely there's nothing wrong with that. He's just
showing her that he's been thinking about her all day."
My dad shook his head slightly to warn me, again he was too late. My
mom finally went full flame.
"For 4 hours? Every night? For 2 months? Is that love or demonic possession?"
I opened my mouth to suggest exaggeration on the bride's part. This
time I caught my dad's signal.
"We were wondering why she looked so worn out this evening. I asked
her & she burst into tears. She told us everything."
"And Dele?"
"He confessed! On top of her, every night! Period, o! No period, o!
Sick or sleepy! He would pound that girl's vagina like it was life
support."
My dad winced & that is a sign that it was pretty gruesome. He's a
doctor & he'd wince if something reminded him of a case he had
banished from memory so he could have a better life.
"I guess you explained..."
"We told him to kneel down! I personally knocked his head twice for
his selfish stupidity!"
My dad finally couldn't keep quiet anymore.
"He wasn't experienced in dealing with such matters."
"Just like you, abi?"
My dad tilted his head towards me. It meant the conversation was best
done in private.
"No! It is better to teach your children your mistakes before you need
to correct them.
"Your father sympathises with Dele because he knows how sweet it is to
bruise a vagina with friction, long after it stops lubricating
itself!"
I winced by reflex. No one wants to know about their parents' sex
life. Most especially me. Especially the bad side of it.
"You are a gift from God, & I would never wish you away. But I have to
tell you. Your father was determined to get me pregnant. Later I
realised that he just wanted to have an orgasm by any means necessary.
When I'd be exhausted, he would climb me from the front, turn me on my
back, turn me to my side..."
At this point my father exploded.
"You think it is easy to sleep next to the most attractive woman in
your world & not want to have sex?! You think it was punishment for
getting married?! You think it happened because I hated you?!"
My ears were burning. I've seen them fight over money, who gets to
drive the car, directions...but this was too much. I got up and ran to
my room.
2 things happened after that. My parents made love. Loudly. To my
shame, my groins ached. And Dele's agrieved bride ran away 2 weeks
later.
Being a virgin isn't a bad deal. Being stupid is.
--
Sent from my mobile device
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