I wonder if it occurs to anyone else that perhaps Forest, though not
the smartest, was the wisest person in the story. Wisdom. It is a
frightening thing when revealed in all its neutral, fierce glory. The
most common image attached to wisdom is gray hair. Is that wisdom?
Really? I'm not knocking the graying & the elderly (they're not one &
the same). But when I read history, I notice something about wisdom.
It's not cunning. It's not sharp practices. It's seeing the life for
what it is.
Sadly (or maybe not. Some old people say they wish they'd made more
mistakes), most of my wisdom has arisen from surviving uncertain
matters. Life & death? No. Well, if you consider 'le petit mort'.
Romance. Not love. Love is something so sacred that only a fool would
imagine it's gender/age/sex/emotion based. I went through a wringer to
learn this. Thank God (fo' real) that I learned pretty quickly because
I was more in touch with how I felt & less in touch with how I should
feel. This is to my earliest 'amors' that cut the deepest. I have no
shrine dedicated to them, but my scars do not condemn them or the time
of parting. Let's start with:
Enitan (1994). I projected on her all the dumb love songs from Nat
King Cole to Ella Fitzgerald to...well we never really took off. Good
thing too. I'd have made her life miserable. I was programmed to.
Sade Adelekan was so many things to me. I even remember times when I'd
vividly re-experience time we spent together during the day. Movies?
Music? Attitudes? Humor? I feel we were a good match. Not perfect (I
liked Hootie & the Blowfish, she didn't.) but good. Because of her I
don't like to go to or eat anything from Tastee Fried Chicken. She
told me we were 'only friends' during a thing her 'christian group'
were holding there. Don't get me wrong. I may have been led on or not,
it might have been intentional or not. I'm not mad at her. She did cut
pretty deep. So deep, I can't voice it all here. But I'm glad it was
her. I was going to check up on her, but it felt like stalking, so I
just let it be. I still think she's pretty. She got me writing poetry.
Really serious shit! I mean, my friend Osahon Eka was
there...literally. He was her neighbour & I'd chill at his end until I
thought it was appropriate to go over to spend time. I think, just
suggesting, I think she thought I was in the closet in certain issues.
You know what? I will do a series on the women who shaped my views on
love, romance, sex, involvement, rejection, attachment, break-ups,
make-ups, etc.
It was Seal who sang "When you lose your self-esteeme, that's when love dies."
I will start that but first I want to share this with...y'know, you.
"If music be the food of love/ Play on."- William Shakespeare.
Never underestimate the power of music. It has shaped me in ways I can
only appreciate 'ipso facto'. In terms of love, boy! Don't get it the
wrong way. I still feel there's a reason why fornication has a
negative connotation. The best sex is outside guilt, without drugs,
without alcohol, without the drama that comes with lovelessness & sin.
I'm not saying I've not done any of these things. If anything at all,
I've been consistently letting myself down. Especially when I think
there's a reward for holding back & there isn't. Maturity has revealed
to me the futility of that mentality. It's like hoping for a medal for
not holding your breath for 2 minutes at will. Suffocation is the
disincentive. The incentive? Are you really expecting that to be
non-rhetoric? Of course not.
I will present a roll-call of past love interests, lovers & such.
Nothing embarrassing will come out of this... I hope. Drum roll
please. Dj, play Still Love Remains by Seal.
Enitan, Sade, Kemi, Upe, Faith, Idiatou, Nenkai, Mmem, Tope, Omi,
Martha, Bade, Antje...
All beautiful women. No angst towards them. They've taught me what's
good, bad, & ugly about myself. I still love them, but it's a
translated kind of love. Like your favorite scar...maybe that's not
appropriate for MOST of them. All will be explained in their
individual blog posts.
Do I miss them? Do you really want to know? Do they? Do I?
--
Sent from my mobile device
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