A moment...

At this moment, I'm disappointed. With myself as well as with the
wheels of fortune, if such a thing exists. I will never be an atheist.
(I was brought up too closely for such theological decadence). Rather
I'm confronted with my own personal stupidity. I think everyone is
entitled to such unfortunate moments in life.
The moment of clarity such moments bring cannot be measured in terms
of time, location or even perspective. It is only recognised in terms
of aftermath. Most things cannot be engaged in terms of what could
have been. But if so, kindly indulge me in this brief flirtation with
fantasy.
Looking back, I think of poor choices made & what could have been. I
would like to explore them now in the zenith of my personal
disappointment.
I could have been an amazing copywriter, in the tradition of David
Ogilvy. I could have turned out copy that would have caused the world
to pause & make purchase decisions that would have possibly
revolutionised marketing communications.
I could have been the doctor who had a growing practice based on the
attention given to patients (nothing like Gregory House M.D.)
I could have been a popular banker, sought out for his unique touch in
customer service.
But no. God saw it fit to make me what I am, where I am. And he sees
it's good enough for who I am, barring, of course, who I could have
been.
I could have been a naval officer, chaffing at my bit, waiting to test
personally engineered theories of war & combat. Or an air-force
officer, keeping my head down & my nose clean, until I get promoted to
Air Vice Marshal.
But, you want to know why I'm really disappointed? I think, God had
gotten tired of my being driven by my own vision, that he wrested me
from my own stupidity by pulling me out of shit I know I couldn't
handle.
So why this diatribe? Well, I think that, if pressed about it, I could
say that I am where I am, because where I'm going to would need the
wealth of experience of a former radio producer, banker, copywriter,
printer, editor, & lost soul. Why lost soul? Because, I am no longer
lost. I'm burdened with confronting my very self at every turn. It
sucks, but it will burn new ground for me.
If you are feeling the same way, I will offer only one piece of advice.
Acknowledging that God exists is only one phase in growing up. The
next is to grow up yourself. That's where I am. That's what I'm hoping
towards. That's where God needs me to be. Growing up.
It is a painful process. But I'm the one who has to be involved for
myself, by myself. Will I be distracted? Possibly. But never for long.
Never for too long.
If you've read up to this point, then you were meant to read this.
None of that internet chain letter crap. This is as real as it will
present itself to you.

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Sent from my mobile device